i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
