Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
