hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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