I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
