Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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