I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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