Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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