Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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