know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
