sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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