I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
