Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
