maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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