everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
