Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
