Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
