Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
