After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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