I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
