none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
