Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
