Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
