Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
