that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
