it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
