So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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