i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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