Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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