So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
