You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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