so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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