He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
