The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
