how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize