Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
