somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
