I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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