I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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