also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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