She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
