my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
