somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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