I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
