youre lurking in front of me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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