I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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