She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize