if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My hand turned me down
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
