If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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