Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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