i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
