He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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