i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
