I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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