whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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