one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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