At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
