just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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