Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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