you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
