You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
