I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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