You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
