I'm going to jail i love you
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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