Cold hands, warm shart.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
