just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
