We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize