Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
