I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
