I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
