I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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