I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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