Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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