I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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