Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
