mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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