fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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