Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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