so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
