What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
