The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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