My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
