Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
