Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
