Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just invented taco cereal.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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